21 October 2005

This was my last post due to unforseen problems. The new site will be emailed to you guys shortly!

20 October 2005


Sorry guys, my new PHOTO GALLERY link has changed to


Sorry for the inconveniance.

19 October 2005


Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame
You say

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
It's one love
We get to share it
It leaves you baby
If you don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

Well it's too late
To drag tha past out
Into the light
We're one
But we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
We hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say

Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other

One life
But we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other


17 October 2005

Monday Jokes!

A woman stands nude looking in the mirror, she says to her husband "I look horribly fat and ugly, pay me a compliment, the husband says "your eyesight's fucking spot on"

Q. What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur?
A. Lickalottapuss

Best day of my life....Walking down the aisle towards my wife....everyone smiling....vicar said a few nice words....I gave her a kiss....and shut the coffin!

A blonde calls the fire brigade and says "My house is on fire!"....The fireman says "How do we get there??"...."Helllllooooo"...says the blonde, "In the big red fucking truck"

A man walked into his house with a duck under his arm and said "This is the pig I've been shagging".
His wife said "That's not a pig it's a duck!"
Man says "I was talking to the duck!"

A Guy walks into a Bar with a steering wheel down his pants.
Barmen says "I see you've got a steering wheel down your pants"
Guy replies "yeah it’s driving me nuts"

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks. The second orders up a blood and cola. And the third orders a mug of hot water.
"Why not blood like the other two?" the bartender asks.
The vampire grins and pulls out a tampon, saying "I'm making tea!"

What do a blonde and a washing machine have in common?
They both drip when they are finished.

Two blondes are walking down the street.
1st blonde says,
"My boyfriend has bad dandruff but after I gave him Head & Shoulders the problem has disappeared".
2nd blonde replies,
"Uuuhhhmmm, the head thing I know, but how do you give shoulders?"

What is the string on tampons for?
To floss with when you are done eating!!!

Confusious says: It's good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl!

What’s the difference between your bonus and your penis?.......its easy to get your girlfriend to blow your bonus.

A blonde woman goes to a night club and sees a sign "Under 18 not permitted" so she goes home and comes back with 17 friends.

A man walks up to a woman in a bar, shows her his index and middle fingers and says 'you should always masturbate with these two fingers' 'Why" the woman asks, 'Because they are mine' the man replies.

How do you know if a girl likes you????
When you put your hand down her pants an it’s like feeding a horse.

What is the similarity between a Prawn and a blonde?
Both their heads are full of shit but their pink bits taste nice.
Rhythm Devine!
For everyone who wants to learn Afrikaans! See it as lesson number one. Dirk,'n "W" tong knoper net vir jou en moenie vir my "Sannie Sleep Sewe Sakke Sout" gee nie...

Wie Weet Waar Willem Wouter Woon?
Willem Wouter Woon Waar Wies Wasgoed Was.
Wie Weet Waar Wies Wasgoed Was?
Wies Was Wasgoed Waar Warm Water Wyn Word.
Wie Weet Waar Word Warm Water Wyn?
Warm Water Word Wyn Waar Weste Winde Waai.
Wie Weet Waar Weste Winde Waai?
Weste Winde Waai Wes....

Try that for a start!
Wake Me Up When September Ends!
Great Song from a Great Band - GreenDay

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

PS: When you guys the resources, money or time....get this song and listen to it!

15 October 2005

Absolutely Great News!

Well guys, I have made an effort to get my "Tanzania Photo 1" blog published. I will not allow any comments though. It is only there for you guys to enjoy the beauty of Tanzania with me.

Realm of my Mind!

I remember when I started my original blog “The South African Style”. It was in February 2005 and the purpose for commencing this blog was purely to illustrate to the people that I have become very accustomed too, who and what am I all about. This was purely to explain to the Jess Gang (Timo, Hubert, Nafiz, Nachi and Heather) where I came from and what I was standing for. It was a medium that I’ve used for whenever I was in need of help and this was basically my outcry when I could not say it out loud.

During the passing months, I used this medium to explain to my friends, who moved back to their different native countries, exactly what was going on in my life and mind and I have to say that I have repeatedly kept on blogging even when there was no real time. It is now 03:00am on Saturday morning and I have to admit that this is one of my lowest points I have reached in a very long time.

Basically, I’m in need of help again. My mind has taken me to the loneliest place on earth and now I am searching for the people that stood the test of time. It is really funny to think when I’m lonely that I do not search the comfort of my family and friends back home in South Africa or the nice words of my friends who is spread around the world. I’m searching for the comfort of that one person that stood in the doorway at SSR International airport who turned around with tears in her eyes and telling me in her native language: Ich liebe dich! I never realised what impact this woman has had upon my life. This is not a posting dedicated to her or begging her to come back, but it’s a posting trying to explain to really everyone how terrible it is to walk through the unknown with your eyes closed and your heart all on its own.

The past week was really one of the toughest periods in my life. It was basically trying to adapt to the unknown. Funny enough I do not fear a new challenge, but it is really tough to adapt to your new surroundings when heart treats your soul like shit. I guess I was never really shocked about my new surroundings, because I was prepared for it. What is really difficult for me is to accept a situation when I know it is not what I want. And I’m not talking about moving to Tanzania. I’m talking of my heart that belongs to someone who doesn’t really appreciate me at all. It is easy to say, ja, there are more fishes in the sea or Gordon, you deserve more than this. But in this moment, this specific time that will be tomorrow past and history, I feel the loneliness or rejection and that is something I personally need to deal with. Tonight, 7 months ago she kissed me for the first time. She left soon after and returned 7 weeks later. She planned to stay for six weeks and I begged her to stay one week later which makes it a total of 7 weeks. See the co-incidents? 777. I’m not a religious person, but I know the number 7 is a number of good fortunes. This struck me by accident this morning when I was taking a smoke outside, listening to the sound of the sea. “Mother Nature talking to my soul”

The past week she has gone through a real tough time and I my first reaction was purely sympathy and that is for genuine. I really enjoy receiving emails from her, because that makes me understand that she still needs to tap into my life and needs part of my life. Even though it might only be a very small part. But I really thought moving away from Mauritius and seeing all my friends and family back home in South Africa would change my heart and mind, but it didn’t. It only made it worse! It doesn’t get any better and I do not know how to deal with the situation. The problem I think is because she doesn’t want to speak about it and I can not move on without talking about it. It is easy to say 10 000km apart that this is how I want it and this is how I will play the game from now on. It leaves a hole just so big in my heart and it takes me back loads of miles. If it was only somebody for whom I did care off. it would have bee so much easier. But that is not the case and she knows that too well. I really believe that she fears to follow her heart, because it brought her just so much confusion. The question that I repeatedly ask myself is: How can someone ever be internally happy if you never really followed your heart. The problem I think is fear. Fear is an evil thing and we as humans rather prefer the easy way out because there is no pain and losses involved. But can you honestly turn around and say that you have found internal happiness if you live life with fear and no pain. I honestly believe that love and pain walks hand in hand and the reason for this statement is because if you do not have pain by loosing someone, you do not love that person. Pain is really hard to deal with, but that little time spent with love makes it just so much more worth to risk your heart.

I honestly believe there is a reason for everything in the world and only time will explain you what that reason was. It does not help to challenge your judgement or thoughts to analyze the outcome of a situation, but rather live the moment and time will explain you the reason. Thanks for taking this time.

12 October 2005


A man decides after seventy years

That what he goes there for, is to unlock the door

While those around him criticize and sleep

And through a fractal on a breaking wall

I see you my friend, and touch your face again

Miracles will happen as we dream

But we're never gonna survive unless

We get a little crazy

But we're never gonna survive unless

We get a little crazy

All the people walking through my head

One of them's got a gun

To shoot the other one

And yet together they were friends at school

But of four were there when we first took the pill

They'll be back, be back, baby

Miracles will happen as we sleep

But we're never gonna survive unless

We get a little crazy

But we're never gonna survive unless

We get a little crazy

Behold, here cometh the Dreamer

What will become of his dreams?

PS: Remeber nothing in the world comes to you. If you want it, you need to go and fetch it and for that you need to be sometimes a little bit crazy. There is someone out there that is really dealing with a tough time. I'm thinking of you during this difficult period and just look back. There are people that still really care about you and they will for e very long time, because it is all of whom you are. Be crazy and take care! Love y'all!

09 October 2005

No Other Option!

So, I have promised you guys that I will update my blog on a regular basis and so far I have kept my promise. It seems like I'm the only one that's updating my blog. What the fuck is wrong with you guys? Anyway, I have posted a couple of pictures of Tanzania (See below)on my blog and soon realised that I needed to get myself a blog dedicated to photos only. So now I have started yet another blog with photo's of Tanzania and from now on I will post them to the blog link as below. If you are interrested to see mother natures beauty of Tanzania, click on the link on the right hand side under "My Photo Blog Links" and the link is called Tanzania Photos 1. For everyone else that can not find this link...(do not let us know of your stupidity) and type this link below into the "ADDRESS BAR".


PS: Amu, I made sure that you can comment on both blogs, so please do it from now on.
Honesty Prevails

"I think I might have taken more than I could handle, but a joke like this takes me right back to my roots. Enjoy my dearest friends!"

A man boarded an aircraft in New York and took his seat. As he settled in,
he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was
heading straight towards his seat And Bingo! She took the seat right beside

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniac Convention in France."

He swallowed hard. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,
"What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he smiled, "What myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are
the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is
most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually
it is the men of Indian descent. We have found that the best potential
lovers in all categories are the Afrikaners."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said,
"I really shouldn't be discussing this with you; I don't even know your

"Running Bear," the man said...."Running Bear Moodley, but my friends call
me Frik."

Making sure that no spillage goes to wastage...Slirping the fumes of genuine black Rum on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon....."Captain Morgan"

Alcohol available with the majority from South Africa!

A local Beach bar at Makaibi Beach!

World, meet Dirk & Rieta Lourens!

Local Public Transport!

The Beach House!

The garden of a beach house to our disposal!

Probably the most beautiful coast line I have ever withnessed!

Beautiful coast line. Nature preserved!

Catching the ferry to South Beach!

This is what a call shopping! One of the better looking shops.

My Bigg Ass 4x4!

Dirk's Bigg Ass Cruiser!

Degremont's Office as well as Dirk's House

07 October 2005

Friday Morning Quicky!

It is really unusual to post 2 postings in the same week, but I just had to tell you guys about a weird experiance that shicked me to the bone, if you all know what I mean....

Tuesday night I decided to take my big ass 4x4 for a drive and to discover the true nature of my existance in a world of so many uncertainties. Well, that was now a mouth full! My big ass 4x4 does not even have a big ass like Dirk's 4.2l big block straight 6 cylinder that consumes juice and get a distance of 5km/litre. Fuck, wicked shit. Anyway....

Taking my Mitsubishi Pajero for a spin on route to discover the extent talent that Tanzania has to offer, I stopped next to restaurant (close to the Deutsche Embassy where there was a party again, purely because I was fucking lost. There was no street lights and it is only gravel roads, my doors suddenly flew open and 2 native fucking woman climbed into my van. I do not know if it was because of the fear living in Johannesburg with all the hijackings or basically that I will be seen with 2 prosititutes climbing into my car, I decided to pull off while they were busy climbing in. I was so fucking shocked and I kept it quiet for a while.

Last night, Dirk, his family and me went out to a place called SLIP WAY. Basically it is like a small type of Waterfront on a little bay where expats hang out and socialize. There was a life band called The Tanzanites playing live music with the lead singer looking and singing like Barry White. Great fun, but food was quite expensive. 9 Fucking dollars for a pizza with only salami, mushrooms, german sausage, cheese and tomatoes. Beer for the night had to be a Heineken! Afterwards I decided to go and explore again the nightlife and I end up going to place called Q-Bar. Walked in straight to the bar and ordered a Windhoek Light. (Beer from Namibia and my dad's favourite) and the next moment +/- 10 chicks came around me. I would have been happy if they were foreigners, but then again it was only local prostitutes. Decided to swollow that beer and get the fuck out of there!

Anyway, there was some talent and will go and explore them again tonight. This time I will be prepared and will atack it head on. I hope you guys will enjoy your weekends, but mine will be to discover this really amazing nature looking country with so many cocnut trees..... I miss y'all!

03 October 2005

Re-discover Your Destiny!

It's funny to think that I've started this new blog, because my life has basically started all over again. 26 Postings later and this will be my first from Tanzania.

I have arrived in the land of promises and dreams (for me rather) on Sunday afternoon. As the airoplaine pulled out it's landing gear, I starred out of the little window and was I shocked. Sitting still in my seat as the plaine came to a standstill the thought came through my mind of "WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?" I soon realised when the doors opened that I'm very close to the Equator. God, I rushed through the visa counter, but was reminded very clearly that I'm in Africa now. Yip, it took me exactly 1 hour to go and collect my bags and head home.

Driving through the streets I was reminded back of more or less 2 years ago when I worked for 6 months on a project in Mozambique. Exactly the same conditions, same poverty and the same fucking heat. I did not take me long to realise that I'm back on the African continent. We drove to the nearest hotel and I must say my first taste of alcohol was the famouse KILIMANJARO Beer. It cost about $1 for a 500ml bottle. It's good beer, but I will need to get use to it very soon. After that, we went straight to Dirk's house and swollowed a good couple of Stella's. This new beer definately caught me by surprise. On the flight to Tanznia, some fucking funny idiot decided that I should be victimised and gave me a special meal on the flight. I guess you guys can imagine what shit this was. To spell it out for my Canadian friend: "IT WAS FUCKING GOAT FOOD". Anyway, no one spilled a beer on me and that was so awesome and believe me when I tell you guys that I needed to stock myself up with AMSTEL before I got off the plain and I did.

Anyway, I think it's not so bad here. I actually have expected worse, but I think it's a bit too early to speak. Tomorrow I will go and visit my "NEW" plant and house and by some rumours going around, I will not find it fascinating and should rather expect the opposite or maybe a little bit even worse. But hey, What the fuck....? I'm here now and I need to make a success of it and I will. The good thing is that there is a lot more foreigners around on a party mood or vibe.......we will have to wait and see. I think this will be a great experiance and my house is open to each and everyone of you....feel free to come and I can promise you that this will be a time to remember.

I love ya and may the force be with y'all!

PS: Photos will follow shortly, so stay glued to your chairs for more or less a week. That's it from the shutters revelation and your beer buddy!

29 September 2005

Reality Bites!

Well well, my 2 weeks are almost over and it's now time to pack the bags and catch the plain to what I know as my "new life". It was quite weird to be back in Johannesburg, but soon realised it is not home. I have already accepted that I do not live in Mauritius anymore and I'm quite excited about Tanzania. There was just so many things that I had to finish before I go and luckily, it has been done.

Let me update you guys what went on during the past 2 weeks or so. Basicaly, from the word "GO" I was at the office and busy to finish La Marie on the project side. Well it was not just work, but it feels really weird to let go of something that I was part of for so long, but new adventures lies ahead and I'm quite willing to grab the bull by the horns and hit it head on.

I have been staying with my friend and Financial Director and his girlfriend for the past 2 weeks. It was really good and they are great people as well. We had a couple of hard drinking nights and then there was those nights where we just did not have enough energy to do anything else then to watch satelite TV. Last Wednesday night we went out to a club in Fourways where we met up with the Springbok Cricket team. I met up with a buddy of mine that I have known for years who just recently moved to Johannesburg. The following Friday we went out to club and got home around 6am. Fun, hot chicks, but not my style at all! Saturday night I met up with my friend and did a REAL South African Braai with a shit load of red meat and beer. Great stuff! Afterwards we met up at the house where I was staying and we were drinking untill 3am in a jacuzi with hot water. Yeah, real hot water! Was really fucked on Sunday and just chilled on the couch for the whole day. Well, the new week started and it was back to work. This past Tuesday night I went to Hatfield in Pretoria to meet up with my cousin and my mother's youngest brother from Cape Town. It was in the Afrikaans Capital of South Africa with live music and a shit load of beer in a pub called "Herr Gunthers". Fuck bru, what a party. Last night we pulled up to "NEWS CAFE" in Bedfordview and met up with Bruce and his girlfriend. It seems like Bruce is doing fine and have settled in just nicely.

The best experiance of the night was driving a Black Audi TT Roadster Cabriolet with the roof down. Doing speeds up to 260km/hr and the music pumping. There was this one moment where I lost myself. This song of CAT STEVENS played namely FATHER AND SON, the car doing 240km/hr, the roof off and the bright starrs shining as bright as it did in Mauritius. What a fucking moment and I realised what goals are for the next couple of years. I was happy, if only for a couple of minutes, but it was real. Today was my last day at work and again had to say goodbye to so many good people that I have worked with for so long. It was sad and now I'm employed by Degremont France.

I will go tommorrow to my parents and I will fly on Sunday morning to Tanzania around 09:45. It is quite a scary feeling to know you will base your life for the next two years in a new country away from those things that you have been accustomed too for so long, but it is exciting.

I just would like to add that I do miss all of you guys back in Germany and Mauritius and you are all in my thoughts everday, every moment. I miss yand I love you all. Tanzania, get ready for me! I'm on my way!....60 Hours to go...

26 September 2005

GoodBye my Beloved Buddah Bar and Mauritius. See you soon!

The Never Ending Story!

Knocking on Heaven's Door!

Nothing better than a German gal with a Phoenix!

Madame Butterfly!

Who will ever forget "Sweet Lisa"?

German gals so gorgeous!

The German reality!

Buddah & Phoenix Rules!

Lars day dreaming of his love!

At Buddah with a mission Possible!

Kevin & Me at KenziBar!

Saturday Night Fever!

Nachi, the man who surpised us with his drinking ability!

Summer Beach hanging with the boys!

The 5 Litre Vital refreshment!

Party Galore with the alcohol flowing!

Birthday boy with his naked skinny German ass!

Both homies pissed as farts!

Taking the final contact details!

25 September 2005

For Better or For Worse!

It has been almost one week since my return to my native home country and I have to admit that I can not adapt to my new surroundings. This is purely because I'm so excited about Tanzania and I know that my life will start over again in just little more than one week. Yes that is right! I will leave South Africa on Sunday the 2nd October at 09:15 CAT (Central African Time). I have forwarded all my contacts for Tanzania to all of you guys, so you need to keep in touch like you promised.

During this week I made peace with the fact that Mauritius has lost me for good, but I feel just so sad leaving all my friends behind. At this moment I'm definately trying to loose that memories that caused me so much pain during the last 6 months and I'm looking forward to move on. It was good, but she wanted it to be over and I will respect that now. I hope she will respect it to leave me alone forever. I'm gone for her and I do not know what will happen in the future, but I'm letting her go out of my heart as well. Don't get me wrong. I still do love her, but looking back she caused so much pain and she never really appreciated what I have done for her and meant for her. This was all because of a feeling she had, a feeling of selfishness and she new what was she doing. She just didn't care about anyone or anything but herself. This was her choice.

That was all that I wanted to say. I'm currently fighting this feeling of sadness for loosing some of the greatest people in the world. It was not that I lost them in my heart, but basically lost them in a way where I can not spend time with them anymore. But this will not be the last time that I've spoken or see them and if it depends on me I will come and see them again. They are all part of my heart and they will always be. Guys, thanks! You all have been just so great and you respected for whom I am and I will always cherrish that great feeling of tue friendship. I would like to mention acouple of names of people that really meant the world to me and I will always keep you guys close to my heart.

I will start from the beginning:

1. Herman - Buddy I hope to see you before I leave South Africa
2. Jessica M. Karbowski - Girl, thanx for everything and I hope you will go out and just be yourself. The true person we all know you can be and do not be afraid of getting people close to your heart. There will be a lot of pain, but it will be worthit. I know!
3. Timo - My boy, I will come and see you in Germany and I will get fucking wasted with you, that is a South African Bru promise.
4. Phillip & Annelise - You guys were great and keep up with the kite surfing. Come and see me in Tanzania.
5. Sandrine Micosse - OH girl, I think of you so much and my heart goes out for you. I miss you tremendously and I'm glad that you were prepared to go and follow your heart. I admire you and you can always go home if things do not work out. Enjoy New York and California!
6. Edina - No regrets ever, but I truly hope you could be happy again. You deserve it and for now, Tschusse!
7. Anne Scharlow - OH fuck girl. What can I say? You obviously are my inspiration in life and you are just so fucking awesome. This will not be goodbye, but A Bientot. My heart bleads for you and you will always be in my heart. Du bist meine kleine medchien!
8. Uma - Your words of faith meant the road of inspiration to me. Amu, the Braai was awesome and it meant the world to me to come and say goodbye at the airport. I guess your boy will be there soon and please, show him what Mauritius is all about and do not keep him hidden in your bedroom. I would love to see you dress up and do the make-up at 04:00 in the morning. Just so fucking awesome, thanx bru.
9. Naartjie Das - Hey my little indian porter (kidding, I meant bru). You are such an amazing guy and I know you will be great. Thanx for being my bru, but I would love to know what the outcome will be on the BRAAI experiance. The king has left the building, but you will be a great replacement. Remember it!
10. Bruce - Boy, where the fuck have you disappeared too? Keep strong and have fun.
11. Kerstin - what can I say? I will definately see you soon and I'm glad it will not be the last time that I will see you! I'm HAPPY and you could be as well. Just believe that there is someone good out there! I know he is there!
12. Joern - Hey my boy, Soon you will be smiling. DO NOT KEEP HER IN YOUR BEDROOM LOCKED UP, please! See you soon brother.
13. Lars - Man, it was an honor to meet you. Wisdom well taken. Thanx for everything and see you soon.
14. Kevin - What can I say? I miss you tremendously.
15. Wolfgang - Keep on smiling brother because it is contageous. It is really good to have someone around that is just so happy. Send me some pics of that SWISS chick in her bikini. Do not keep her for yourself and keep up the theory of being the Best fucker in the northern hemisphere. You know who is it from the South, right?
16. Last but not least, Miss OH CANADA - What's up with ja man? Enjoy the studies and keep strong. Miss ja and loose the fucking goat food. Yuck!
17. Dirk - Ek is regtig bly om weer saam met jou te werk. Ek glo ons kan 'n sukses daarvan maak en dankie vir alles. Ek sou nie kon terug dink omtrent 2 jaar gelede dat ons nou nog saam sou wees nie, maar hoekom sal ons dit nou will weg gooi. Al die kak sal gou oor wees en moenie worry nie. Sien jou oor 'n week.

For all the others, I miss everyone and thanks for being such a big part of my life.

For now, welcome Tanzania and to all my friends out there - Friends Forever, Miss ya All! Goodnight everyone!

22 September 2005

Jacques Kallis, AJ (Friend on the left), Me and AMSTEL Beer!

Graeme Smith and Me, our South African Cricket Captain!

20 September 2005

Loosing my Religion!

It is Tuesday night and I just felt I had to do something that reminded me gladly of Mauritius. I decided to blog again and tell you guys about my experiance leaving the island behind.

I've dreamed so long to just get te fuck off the "fucking shit small island" and now that I am, I'm just dreaming of going back. Yeah that's right and I will say it again. I'm only dreaming of going back to the one place that treated me well as just being Gordon.

I never could imagine how difficult it would have been to trade my very best and closest friends fro what I use to know as home back in South Africa. It was not really imagineable of leaving the island untill I walked through those doors. I was devastated and I realised what a mistake I have made. Why in the world did I want to get off if everything that was so good and pure was still back there. Maybe it was because I listened to everyone that said it would have been better to get away from it to just loose all the memories that I've shared with Edina. But honestly, I only think now much more about her. It was not like I had a choice of leaving. I had too. I had to go and finish everything back home before I go to Tanzania which is another big worry in my life.

If loosed the one place that really treated me as an individual and being back in South Africa, I realised how much this place treated me like shit. This was the reason in the first place why I left it. But now, I just miss the people so much that meant the world to me starting from the first German, the second group, the Americans, the one Indian and then the last group of Germans of whom all are very close to my heart. What makes it easier is that I know I will see them soon. If it is not in Germany it will be back in Mauritius before they leave. I realy miss all of them esspeacially Jorn and Kersten whom I got very close too during the last 3 weeks or so of may stay in Mauritius.

Sitting on that aeroplane the memories just came rushing through my head from the first day I came to the island and how sad it was to leave it once I walked through that doors of pain. That fucking airport feels like a fucking hospital. It feels like you loose the people that are very close to me. But life goes on and it is just so fucking hard to adapt to what I use to know as home. I just can not wait to get out of South Africa. This is the last place that I want to be in the next few years and believe me, it will be.

All and all, I just can not stop thinking of Edina. This girl really means the world to me and I wish I never felt this way so that it was easier to release, but I can not. I will give it one more go and then we will see. I love her, I miss her, I think of her probably the whole day every day and I just miss her making me happy. This is what she did. She made me happy in a way I can not explain and now it feels like I'm loosing her day by day. But I will not let go and she can know this.

All and all, I miss everyone of you that play such a big part in my life. I love you all and we will see each other someday. Whether it will be within the next few months or next year. I will come and see you guys.

I love you all!

14 September 2005

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